what's going on.

The past two months have definitely been the most...different months of my life. I definitely
trace it back to the end of April when I broke off a three-year relationship with my now ex-girlfriend. In retrospect, I had been out of that relationship for about six months in my mind; we really never saw each other and when we did it wasn't "quality" time spent because we'd both be too tired or too broke to go out and do something. Plus, I also think that we are at two very different points in our lives and would've been apart all summer anyway that it only made sense to me for us to be single again--no messy over-the-phone-or-through-email breakup while I'm at Purchase and she's somewhere in Europe.

Though it seems harsh, it was probably one of the better decisions I've made this year. While, at times, I feel kind of lonely, the feeling of freedom that comes with being single has counterbalanced the gloom that also comes with being single. At one point during one of the more depressing days went into George Costanza mode and wondered if that was the last relationship I'd ever been in. Then I realized that I was a halfway attractive 21 year old male in New York and being foolish.

The end of my Junior year was a welcome end, but it also brought about the harsh realization that I was next. This time next year, I'll be the one moving off campus into a closet in Brooklyn. I'll be the one with crying, proud relatives at a rained-out graduation. I'll be the one celebration my graduation in the Olde on the last Friday night. And that, needless to say, scared the living shit out of me. I sort of wonder what being out of school will be like. School is the place where I meet people and do things. You don't exactly get a freshman orientation at every new job you start or apartment you move into. School has taken up 16 of my 21 years on this Earth. That's over 3/4 for those of you keeping score at home. During the other 1/4 of my life, I was shitting in my pants and coloring outside of the lines. This should be interesting, to say the least.

Two days before my 21st birthday, a friend/schoolmate of mine died, along with her entire family, in a house fire. No warning. No good-byes. Just a simple "See you in September," that will never come to be. I didn't really know how to react to the whole thing--I didn't cry or really get upset. I was only really upset because all of the people around me were extremely upset. It was like getting a contact high off of totally depressed energy. On the day of my birthday, I decided to get off campus and see the new Indiana Jones movie. It made me feel even worse. Aliens, really? I digress. In the midst of all this, I get news from another close friend of mine that his father is basically on his deathbed, so there's a good chance that we'll all be dealing with this again very, very soon.

So now for the fun stuff.



After a lot of the negative stuff passed, many of the people living on campus this summer have been getting together and having a blast. The only downside is that many of the people around have graduated and are simply dodging the real-world for at least 3 more months. It's good to be around these people, but I feel like I need to make a few new friends. Not that I don't love my friends--I do--but we're getting so close to each other that things are starting to get irritating. It's really unfortunate, but this happens with ANY group of people that spend a lot of time together.